Light burst through my eyes, and I
felt warmth through my body. I felt pressure on my skin- wait, I have skin? Suddenly someone was kissing me,
and as I opened my eyes I saw a slightly older man staring at me in rapture. I
stuttered, “Who, who are you?” and he replied, “I am Pygmalion. I carved you
out of ivory because the women of this Earth were flawed and did not please me.
Venus gifted you to me.” I found his voice to be brusque, but underneath I saw
a tenderness and love that I found startling. Just as a stream of questions
were bubbling up, a shimmering veil appeared to the left of us and the most
beautiful woman I have ever seen stepped out. By the way the man called
Pygmalion fell to his knees I assumed this was Venus. She addressed the man,
instructing him to leave her alone with me so she could orient me to this
world.
“Hello,
darling, my name is Venus and I am the goddess of Love, Beauty, Fertility, and
a good many other things. I have brought you here for this man Pygmalion, but
not in the capacity he believes. This is a very important mission I have for
you, and in return for your cooperation I will grant you the boon of a goddess.
Does this interest you?”
I nodded
quietly in response, my mind whirling. She continued, “This man carved a statue
of your likeness out of stone because he considers the women of this world
flawed and beneath him. While this type of mindset is not uncommon for this
era, I feel in this particular case something needs to be done. So I have
brought you, a woman with the independence, fire, and education of a modern
woman, to woo him. If he does not like the women of this world, then he will love you. Hopefully this will bring some
respect and humility to his heart, particularly when he loses his love. In
return, I will take you to the modern world and grant you a wish. The most
important part of this plan is that you do not get emotionally involved, got
it?”
This plan
seemed cruel, but if this Pygmalion was as chauvinistic and harsh as Venus
said, maybe he deserved it. I certainly did not want to stay here with this old
guy who did not value women forever. So the girl agreed to Venus’s plan, and
laughed at the idea that she could ever fall in love with Pygmalion…
Bibliography: Story source: Ovid's Metamorphoses, translated by Tony Kline (2000).
Author's Note: This story is based on Ovid's Metamorphosis, where Pygmalion carves a statue and falls in love with the likeness of a women who is then brought to life by Venus. They get married and live happily ever after. But as I was reading the story I was struck by the fact that the women never spoke, never thought, was never offered any kind of choice in the matter. In this version, I like giving the women in this tale a little more power.
Marielle, I loved your rendition of this story! Your use of dialogue and first person made it really easy to understand. I hadn't originally read this story, so seeing the author's note and how you changed it was interesting. Always for any story that gives women more power - in fact, that's a little like how I wrote my story! Good work!!
ReplyDeleteI love this version of the story! The idea that Pygmalion so one-sidedly chose the ivory woman's life for her was disturbing, so the idea that Venus does more for her than just bring her to life and give her to Pygmalion seems incredible to me.
ReplyDeleteThe first person perspective for retelling, specifically using the point of view of a character who has little voice or does not have their thoughts told in the original story, is one that I use significantly as well. A possible suggestion would be to space out your dialogue slightly more, putting action or some form of narration (thoughts, reactions, etc.) between some of the larger paragraphs of dialogue. Your dialogue is great, and I think that could help make it stand out even more.
Hi Marielle,
ReplyDeleteI chose this story in week 2 for one of my weekly story notes. I too found it strange that the carved women had no opinion about anything or that she never spoke. She was just expected to fall in love with Pygmalion and be happy with being human like.
The version of the story you created was beautiful. I especially liked the way you gave the stone women a voice and that you gave the background to the goddess Venus. Not only was the retelling different and creative, but the first person made it easier to reach. It almost felt like the stone women was talking to you and expressing her feelings about the situation and how she had no say in anything.
A suggestion that I have, is that you may want to increase your font size. While for me personally it was a little difficult to read since my eyes are so bad, it would be beneficial to other readers too. I know sometimes larger font can be distracting and make your writing seem even longer and less interesting, but it would make it easier for your readers to read in my opinion.
Hi Marielle,
ReplyDeleteI really loved this story! I also read Ovid's Metamorphoses and something missing out of ALL of the stories is women's intelligence, value, and right to choose! So, go you for including all of those elements into a well-known myth! As I was reading your story, I thought about how it could possibly be improved by elaborating on Pygmalion's character and why he was so chauvinistic.
Hi, what a great version of the story. I love the different perspective you chose for the narrative. I also like how you tied in such a modern belief into an old classic. This is very creative and unique! My favorite part is when the main character and Venus both agreed that his wish to have a women not from his time was ridiculous and shallow. And then they made efforts to trick him. Very clever!
ReplyDeleteMany of the stories we read do not show the value of women or the equality that we have now, and have always deserved. It is refreshing to see someone put such a new light on a story that can be controversially demeaning to women, and make it something that has humor and reflects the power of both sexes.
Out of the three W's that professor Gibbs has recommended, I would leave a WOW here, because I really enjoyed this twist of the story.